- Denial

Denial

Written by A.A

Denial, It’s not just a river in Egypt.
This old music hall, joke makes light of a killer syndrome. Denial will be our demise and must be met head on; with courage and fortitude, as part of the process of recovery from alcoholism.
Firstly look at denial itself. An insidious, creeping melanoma, which, by its very nature denies its own existence; a black hole in the nihilist universe of lies and deceit from which not only alcoholics suffer.
We deny ourselves the truths as they really are; those truths that are our responsibility. Look at the family of a man or woman, suffering from the potentially fatal disease of alcoholism. They may say to their friends that it is the pressure of work that causes the drinking; they may even deny there is a problem altogether. Denying the existence of something, be it a disease, condition or object does not make it go away. It doesn’t hide under the carpet for a while and then disappear. It hides deep in the subconscious and festers, becoming the foetid killer I know it as.
We don’t only deny the truth and often the bad in ourselves; we may also deny the good. The mind can be a dangerous playground and will tell us we aren’t good looking enough, we aren’t clever enough or good at our jobs. Denial, keeping us in the place it needs to feed from; our being and soul.
How many examples of denial do you need? Here are a few, taught to me while studying law at a university in England. They are known as the four pure defences: 1) It didn’t happen. 2) If it happened I wasn’t there.3) If it happened and I was there; I didn’t do it. And 4) (my personal favourite) If it happened and I was there, and I did it, I was mad at the time and not responsible for my actions. I know about this because I have been mad.
How can we possibly be guilty of anything, and therefore accept our responsibilities when the law by which we live is based on denial? Honesty with ourselves and acceptance of our responsibilities for our own lives, that’s how.
We are taught from a young age to blame others; family and friends, for our own mistakes and occasional failings. We blame places for having treated us badly and things, inanimate objects, that can do no more than occupy space for hexing us, for shattering dreams and causing our problems. We place human emotions on animals and create a fantasy of denial and utopian dreams in our heads
You may wish to consider that within every argument is its own opposite. The paradigm of dialectic philosophy; lost you yet, I think not. By admitting one thing, we must accept the existence of its opposite, in some philosophies these exist interwoven, in western cultures as direct opposing forces, but all admit they are there, so all admit there is a solution.
We choose the path of solution, and for me, an alcoholic, I choose to admit my alcoholism and I choose to face what previously I had denied. And, on a daily basis I choose not to take a drink today; just for today.
By writing like this I am also trying to tell you something else. Some of the best-read, wisest people I have ever met are in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous. Don’t be frightened off, the best friend I have ever had is an 80-year old lady; I am a 40 something South London boy. I have known tramps, lawyers, pilots and judges, lords and ladies, thieves, murderers and policemen. All breeds apart and united by a common acceptance of their alcoholism and a belief in recovery.

Anyone can and does suffer, for if you are reading this you may already be an interested party, maybe facing reality for the first time. A sneaking suspicion that all is not well in your Costa Blanca idyll. It is, frankly a bit dull here at times. Not that I don’t love Spain, but if you are not careful you will find less and less is done each day and the Spanish become more and more annoying. Believe me they haven’t got worse, you have.
So if you recognise anything I have said, or if you think you have a problem with alcohol, or know someone who has, telephone the Costa Blanca helpline. Talk to someone about the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous or its sister fellowship, Al-Anon, for the families of alcoholics. The answer is just a phone call away.
Costa Blanca North 648 16 90 45 (Alicante and North)
Costa Blanca South 625 91 20 78 (Torrevieja and surrounds)
Al-Anon: CB North: 627 613 177 and CB South: 692 799 318
www.aa-europe.net
www.al-anonspain.org