I remember that many years ago when I was a student of sociology or media studies or whatever it was I spent my formal education doing,  “wot I learned woz” that news is always a selective process, especially when you have dominant stories such as the World Cup, in which our national team are playing.

  Stories that would otherwise be in the papers, get ignored or are reduced to a few column inches and this is one of those weeks when there is media saturation of the World cup and anything associated with it such as Rooney’s foot, England’s win over Trinidad and Tobago, wives and girlfriends of the England team who are all trying to outdo each other in the glamour stakes, the World Cup in general and how nicely the English fans are behaving in Germany.

    The Sun had the headline over the weekend “Love is in the Herr” as the German authorities are waxing lyrical over how well-behaved the English fans are. After the Trinidad and Tobago game there were no arrests and German police were even reported to be dancing with the English fans. Our fans are the best behaved apparently.

   Can this be true? Can we really do no wrong? So now Germany and England are new Bessie mates and that is a story in itself and also a good public relations exercise for the EU.

   But in a football dominated press there is another big story; Sir Paul “Macca” McCartney has turned 64. We know a song about that don’t we. Geddit? How often can that happen? Not very often, as two of the Beatles died before they reached the age of 64 and are probably very pleased about  this  because they didn’t have to endure hordes of French people singing “when I’m 64” with strangulated vowels in front of the Eiffel tower on Sunday . “Weel yer steel nid me, weel yer steel fid me etc.”

    This is a story on a plate for the British press as Sir Paul’s 64^th birthday coincides with revelations about his estranged wife’s Heathers pornographic past and former living as a high class hooker. The press are making much of Paul’s “safe return” to the British public after the end of his five year marriage to the gold-digging old troll that is Heather Mills-McCartney, who has sugar-coated her dodgy past.

   What is clear is just how much the media detest her, by jiminy and I haven’t really anything further to say on their increasingly acrimonious divorce except that thinking about the song “When I’m 64” started me pontificating what other (Paul McCartney penned) songs are apt for the unhappy couple at the moment.

Here is Heathers current top 5

1. I Want Money (That´ What I Want) 

2. She’s got a (Free) Ticket to Ride

3. The (Old) Fool on the Hill

4. Baby, You’re a Rich man

5. Lets go to the Hop (hang on Macca didn’t write that one.)

 And for Paul.

1.Help! I Need a lawyer, Not Just Any Lawyer

2.Get Back, Get Back to Where You Once    

   Belong.

3.Live and Let Lie

4.Yesterday, All My Troubles Seemed So Far   

    Away.

5.Heather is money-grabbing b***h , and I’m gonna put a hex on her. (Yet to be released)

So there you go. It has been a sparse week for news but it is always important to learn something about what you have read and what I believe to be true is that:

1. The Germans and the English really love each other. The war was a mistake. Let’s both start again and make it work this time. Let’s make it to the finals together, draw 1-1 and take over the world together.

2. Paul McCartney has been a bit of a plonker, but everything will all work in his favour simply because he is a BEATLE and Heather is not. She’s just a rough bird who likes to use men to feather her nest.  She should learn to stand on her own foot.

3. John Reid must be breathing a sigh of relief in the wake of all the home Office scandals that were leaked before the World Cup, but which can now be put on the political back-burner. He can relax for a few weeks and maybe watch some matches and have a couple of beers. Oh hang on, he’s Scottish isn’t he? And Scotland are not in the World cup are they? Oh dear, how sad, never mind.

4. Tony and wifey Cherie must be relieved that their joint titles of most hated Britons feature fierce competition from Lady McCartney- Mills and the entire cast of Big Brother seven.

Finally, I have learned that if you have absolutely no interest in the World Cup and Paul McCartney’s love life there is little point buying an English paper (unless it’s The Express, where they are still droning on about Princess Diana’s car crash that happened some 48 years ago.). But then again if you haven’t and started to read this column you would have drifted off along time ago.

Rachael Loxston

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